The Myth of Normal 131

Chapter 12 Horticulture on the Moon: Parenting, Undermined We’ve all lost our children . . . Just look at them, for God’s sake—violent in the streets, comatose in the malls, narcotized in front of the TV. In my lifetime something terrible happened that took our children away from us. —Russell Banks, The Sweet Hereafter Modern society is awash in parenting expertise. Peruse any bookstore and you will behold shelves upon shelves of volumes devoted to helping moms and dads navigate this rocky terrain, from conception through college dropoff. Parenting blogs, social media groups, and online lectures abound. A playlist on the TED Talks website offers “Stories from the Front Lines of Parenting.” Even if tongue-in-cheek, the war-zone language resonates for many; the struggle to be “good parents” can seem like a protracted battle against time, against ourselves, even against our kids. We arrive at the bookshelf already lost, seeking direction. We want to do right by our children; we just don’t know how. If only we had some internal compass to guide us. The good news is, we do: all of us, by virtue of being human, are endowed with a natural drive and talent for child-rearing. The bad news is that our society’s guiding assumptions and prevailing prejudices serve to alienate us from that innate knowledge, so inherent to our species that it cannot be taught, only activated or disabled